Silent Murmurings of a Lost Child

How does life fly by so fast? By the time, we begin living it’s the end and we missed so much joy in-between.

Seems like yesterday I was in dad’s old ford truck headed to school or riding go-carts without a care. To be held close one more time or hear my home place filled with childhood laughter would be such a blessing. Yet, time marches on, leaving me with memories of days long past and the pain of a broken life.

I guess I deserve it; I’ve lived a thousand lives and died hundreds of times in my mind. In my wake, I destroyed marriages without a thought, killed an innocent child and spoke of spilling my beer. Lived high and broken all to hide the night and numb the days. In my mirror, I’ve traced the tracks of my tears and wondered who would hear the silent murmurings of a lost child.

Can someone tell me how to escape the voices in my mind? Saving me from myself seems impossible as I drown in the dark waters of my memories. If only I could cut me and let me bleed enough to erase this pain, escaping from here and finding release over there. Yet, I’m held back and never escape; I’m locked away and lost in my fears. The wretched hands of days gone by hold the keys that lock away my freedom.

Even in my darkness there is always this light, a glimmer in the distance. I feel the pull toward it and the struggle to stay behind. This war is fierce and I am destroyed by the fight, the constant battle by darkness and light. Freedom is out of reach as I stand in the mud of my past. Quicksand, holding me in place. Never to be free.

My only solace found in childhood memories steeled away in my mind. These are the escaping’s from the silent murmuring of a lost child

Can you help me find my freedom and escape the lifetime of pain

On the floor my cross slowly bleeds, I slowly die, my lips are silenced for evermore.

I was never here

FSE

6/23/2017

 

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